Ok I'll do the East predictions now...
Boston: Paul Pierce will have a huge year (something in the 25/5/5 mood), too bad any other teammate won't average more than 12... Pierce will lead the league in turnovers per game and will request a trade by February. The Celts will be entertaining but won't win as much as expected. Someone will blow his knee before January. Raef LaFrentz will have problems with his knee. Ricky Davis will fight (in both senses) for a spot on the starting lineup, and will be the team's 3rd best player, behind PP and GP, who will ressurect his career averaging 17 and 7 for the year. Too bad he will get traded in mid-February after playing 5 games for the team and refusing to show up on team meetings. Al Jefferson will be a keeper and will dunk on either Kwame Brown's or Darius Songaila's face. Delonte West will earn high praises around the league and be voted All-Rookie 2nd team. Team won't qualify for the playoffs and there will be some management personnel change in the off-season (ie, Ainge out).
New Jersey: team won't qualify for the playoffs, but will be as bad as lot of people think. Richard Jefferson will have a huge year and will be considered a top-5 SF, averaging 22 ppg, 7 rpg and 4 apg and playing 40-plus mins per night. Team chemistry will be a plus, and lots of players will be in the same situation (fighting to stay in the league and get a better contract). Jason Kidd will pout and moan and cry and everything, but will only be traded in the off-season, and he only returns in mid-february and no team wants to gamble on his risky knee and bad contract. Jason Collins will be confused with his twin brother in 173 situations, 31 of them being in either Chicago or Minneapolis, plus 59 of them being in Salt Lake City, one of them being in the middle of a game against the Utah Jazz when a certain referee who shall remain unnamed will make a case that Collins is violating league rules by playing for both teams in the same game. A week later, the same referee will be suspended by the league as there will be proofs that he was drunk during the game. Coach Lawrence Frank will be second on the MSNIY Award (Most Sleepless Nights in the Year), who is only conceded to coaches. Winner will be Jeff Van Gundy (for the 2nd year in a row, and 5th time total).
New York: team will qualify for the playoffs, 7th seed and early exit, generating media buzz and playoffs revenues at an all-time high in the world's capital, like always. A coach will get fired, a GM will be the new coach. Isiah Thomas will alienate 2 more players with his antics and dictatorship ways. The NY media will create and buzz around the Knicks lockerroom for a new sitcom, "The Thomas", featuring Isiah, Kurt and Tim. Meanwhile, star player Stephon Marbury will keep his career averages of 20 ppg, 8 apg and 32 wps (wins per season). Jamal Crawford will shot an all-time low 33% from the field and average 18 ppg and 4 apg. Michael Sweetney will be sweet from down low, averaging 12 ppg and 6.4 rpg and getting votes for MIP, too bad will be found a father of 3 children from different women. A bench player will be overpaid in the offseason. Kurt Thomas will be suspensed, and Tim Thomas will draw boos in Milwaukee in a much-antecipated, not-televisioned game, and will have 8 points and 3 boards in 32 minutes of action. There will be trade rumours floating in the Big Apple like flies on a dead man's dick. Too bad none of them will come out alive, like the dead dick.
Philadelphia - full of unsung heroes, team will be surprise of the season alongside Utah. Allen Iverson will get Jim O'Brien to like him so much that Obie will grow a goatee and get himself some tattoos, and be the first coach to wear headbands in actual games. A certain player will miss 12 practices during the season and also cause controversy with a statement regarding race, money, guns and rap. Allen Iverson, though, will be third in the league in scoring, lead the team in assists and steals, be an All-Star starter, and miss 18 games due to many injuries. This will not be the last year of Allen Iverson as we know him. Also, Samuel Dalembert will prove to be a legit center, and cash a lot of green in the off-season. Kenny Thomas will have his numbers reduced, due to the depth of the team, but not his effectiveness. Andre Iguodala will be regarded as the new Mikael Pietrus, and will be invited to the Slam Dunk contest on my NBA Live 2005 dynasty. Team will be 3rd in the East, as someone has to be the first in the Atlantic Division.
Toronto - team will make the playoffs but be due to an early, despite showing a bit of promise as the 6th seed. Vince Carter will not be traded, but will not play more than 65 games. Vince will be the leading-vote player for the ASG, and will not have his career season in 2004-2005. The heart of the team will be composed by Chris Bosh (who will make a quantum leap and average 18 ppg and 9 rpg, a borderline all-star), Donyell Marshall (16 ppg, 8 rpg, 1 bpg, strong 6th man candidate), Rafer Alston (12 ppg, 6.5 apg, 1.5 spg) and Jalen Rose (16 ppg, 4 rpg, 5 apg, 27% FG), alongside rookie Rafael Araújo (7 ppg, 6 rpg on a reserve role). Jalen Rose will report to a pre-game meeting wearing some outrageous pink suit with green tie and light brown aligator shoes, instantly prompting Sam Mitchell to suspend him without pay for two games. Donyell Marshall will bolt the team in the offseason. Vince Carter will request a trade again, to no effects.
Chicago - surprise team of the season, too bad of the 2032-2003 season. Regarding this season, da Bulls will show promise but once again will not qualify for the playoffs. During a 3-game-stretch in mid-March, 11 players will faint in the court. Further investigations will show that Eddy Curry did eat all the pre-game meals available, leaving other player's stomaches empty. Argentinean rookie Andres "Chapu" Nocioni will dunk on 4 famous players, one of them being Tim Duncan and the other being Shawn Bradley (who is not that famous, but just to make the streak alive). He will also fight in 18 occasions, two of them being in NY (making T. Thomas cry on the court), and one in Phoenix, where star Amare Stoudamire will leave the game due to a cut on his eyebrow. Ben Gordon will be a bust till mid-December, when he will realize he does need to play like the hype people created for him, and will get out of his bubble. Luol Deng will be a runner-up for ROY and draw comparisons to Grant Hill. 25 articles will be published on the media telling us about how Duke players keep getting overlooked in the NBA. 3 members of this forum will drop from the Bulls bandwagon, and 29 members of this forum will post something to the effect of "if Michael Jordan were running the team, they would be better", "I miss the MJ days", "MJ was the king". Tyson Chandler will miss 3 games due to injury on his balls. Eddy Curry will hurt someone. Eddy Curry will be an All-Star, too bad it will only happen on his PS2 NBA Live 2005 game.
Cleveland - team will confirm expectations as playoffs are a sure sight, being the 5th seed in the East but facing Indiana in the first round. LeBron "King" James will have a good reasonable season, posting 29 ppg, 12 rpg and 13 apg. His son, Carmelo Dwyane James Bond, will get a contract from Nike and have a much-publicized ad all around the world, promoting his shoes, "Prince James for babies". The rest of the team will live in a wonderful state of chemistry, and many of them will be named for "comeback player of the year" award for many journalists around the world. Eric Snow, Jeff McInnis and Drew Gooden will have career years. Drew Gooden will be 2nd on the MIP award voting, averaging 18 ppg and 11 rpg and playing in 75 games. Zydrunas Ilgauskas will show a bit of age but will demand a maximum contract, which will be half paid by one of Prince James' contracts. It will be a happy year in LeBron-land.
Detoit - it will no surprise to 29,061,782.8 people who follow the NBA that the Pisstons will repeat as 1st seed and eventual champions. Larry Brown will not play Darko Milicic as "he's still raw, very raw... in fact, so raw that if he were some kind of meat, we would not use him for a bbq". Ben Wallace will gather lots of fans, and Rasheed Wallace won't. Rip Hamilton will have some problems with his nose, and Tayshaun Prince will be confused with Kate Moss. In the meanwhile, Antonio McDyess will feel some leg and knee pain and not be as effective as some people think. Too bad Carlos Delfino will come to the rescue, getting enough praise as to be considered for the All-Rookie 2nd team.
Indiana - team will underachieve due to injuries. Two starters will suffer long absences, and one of them will be a dominating player. Ron Artest will not get injured, and will have his best season so far, posting averages of 20 pts, 6 boards and 4 assists. Team will qualify with the 4th seed, and for the first time Rick Carlisle won't have a 50-win season. Reggie Miller will call it a career after the playoffs. Stephen Jackson will get few votes for 6th man of the year, averaging 17 ppg, 5 rpg and 2 triples a night. Jamaal Tinsley will improve his play but not reduce the numbers of critics.
Milwaukee - team will surprise lots of people this year, but will be the first team not to qualify for the playoffs (9th seed). Desmond Mason, Michael Redd and Keith Van Horn will average at least 17 ppg and 5 rpg and 2 apg each, and will form the core of the team. TJ Ford will make people cry. Joe Smith will get his niche once again, gaining more and more good rep for being one of the best role players of the 2000's. Keith Van Horn will disappear during a game. This will happen 43 times. Desmond Mason will posterize 17 defenders, one of them will be dunked on so hard that he will cry for his mom. Another one will be on a 10-day contract. Erick Strickland will help the team in some way. Michael Redd will get a big contract in the off-season, not exactly from Milwaukee.
Atlanta - this will be perhaps the worst team in the NBA, with a few bright spots. Too bad Antoine Walker will cover them with huge body. Good ol' Antoine will average 21 ppg (on 34%FG and 29% on 3s), along with 8 rpg, 5 apg, and 834 3pt FGA, setting a new NBA record. A coach will be fired in the way. Al Harrington will be the team leader, but will miss 25 games due to injury on his thigh (Antoine though it was a rib and tried to eat it). Peja Drobnjak will draw criticism from his teammates as he tries to go thru the season without taking a bath or/and using deodorant. He will get a huge-ass offer from Rexona in the off-season though, prompting him to retire and be the model boy for a worldwide campaign featuring "half-bearded sexy-rude men who wear innovative deodorants" ad. Nobody will miss him. The Joshes and The Smiths will not play that much, but someone will recognize them on the streets. This person will be their mothers.
Charlotte - they will not be as bad as Atlanta, you heard it here first. Emeka Okafor will be runner-up to ROY, averaging 14 ppg, 7 rpg and 1,3 bpg, drawing comparisons to David Robinson, Alonzo Morning and Jim McIlvaine. Gerald Wallace will be the team's best player, averaging 16 ppg (on 41% FG), 7 rpg, 4 apg and 1,7 spg. Primoz Brezec will receive lots of "do you want to marry with me" letters, and average 12 ppg, 6 rpg and 1 bpg along the way, marrying Vanessa Williams after deciding between her and Britney Spears (who will have a new album out, called "Primoz Time", featuring a duet with Primoz on the track "I'm the sexiest person alive"). Primoz will have a street named after him on Charlotte, and will demand that Emeka and Gerald have to be on their way out for him to resign after the season. Jason Kapono will arrive on practice in some Wednesday very beaten up, because he will be mistaken for some members of the N*Sync or the Backstreet Boys. Charlotte will win 19 games because their opponents will be so much tired from laughing at them that they will forget that a game is composed by 4 quarters of 12 minutes each.
Miami - team will qualify as the 2th seed in the conference behind Detroit. Shaquille O'Neal will avenge being traded from the Lakers, and will average 29 ppg, 13 rpg, 4 apg, 2 bpg and 57% from the field. It will be the last year of Shaq as we know him. Dwyane Wade will make a quantum leap, getting 19 ppg, 5 rpg, 6 apg and 6 buzzer-beaters, including one in the second round of the playoffs, against Indiana. Team will make it to the conference finals, only to be defeated by Detroit once again. Damon Jones will provide solid leadership and countless jokes in the locker room. Jesus Christian Laettner will revert back to his 1992 pre-Olympics ways. Eddie Jones will work wonders as the 3rd weapon, averaging 16 ppg and leading the league in 3 pointers made.
Orlando - team will surprise lots of members, qualifying for the 8th spot but facing an early exit by facing Detroit. Steve Francis will average 21 ppg, 6 rpg and 8 apg, and make a case for MIP award, which he will not win. Cuttino Mobley will average 17 ppg, 4 rpg and 3 apg, and will hug and slap his buddy Francis 129,842 times during the season. The two will admit there is a hom*ossexual relationship between them, and that they plan to live, play and retire together. Dwight Howard will shock the world and be ROY up from the start of the season, averaging 15 ppg, 8 rpg, 2 apg and 1,8 bpg, and draw comparisons to Kevin Garnett and Amare Stoudamire. Hedo Turkoglu will be mistaken for a Disney tourist.
Washington - despite winning as many as 38 games (a franchise-record setting achievement), team won't qualify for the playoffs. Antawn Jamison will be 3rd team All-NBA, averaging 22 ppg and 9 rpg. Gilbert Arenas will miss 34 games with injuries, and Larry Hughes will average 17 ppg (on 42% FG) and leave the team and the SG spot to super-sub and 6th man of the year Jarvis Hayes. Kwame Brown will get dunked on a few times, most notably two by Vince Carter and Desmond Mason, and will cry for his mom at times. Kwame Brown will average 11 ppg and 8 rpg, puzzling people with his development and commitment to the team and his career.
Enjoy...
